Mother!

My Birth was a gift,
The love you gave me every day without fail, a blessing,
Through tears of sorrow and screams of agony,
Through tears of Joy and Laughter,
Your voice would read me to sleep, and your voice still brings peace to my heart.



Thank you for everything you gave without knowing

Love you

XX

Age, Aged

Funny, age isn't it?
When we are in our teens, we want to grow up so fast, and then once we realise that the spark we once had, that youthful glimmer in our eyes has begun to dull, we race around trying to 'fix' it.
The only thing that is assured to us in life is a birth and a death, nothing more, all else is attained, but birth and death are given facts which we cannot refute.

The other day, I received the news that my mother is expecting another child, I am going to be 20 years older than this child and have no part in it's life, because I won't be around, and the age gap between my sisters isn't going to help either. I can't help feeling that this child is going to feel isolated, starting its life when everyone is busy sorting their own lives out.
But it made me think though, It made me remember, in essence, my own birth and childhood, and now that I can understand what it means to bring another life into this world (by understanding I mean that I am no longer a child who thought babies were delivered in the post) and I can also understand the events which shaped me with such clarity.



KG

Truth Is A Sign

Truth is a sign on a dusty highway, looked upon but never followed,
We are told as children that the truth will be our salvation, and is it?
Maybe the sun warped sign was right, maybe the desert is the lie.


A Thought,

KG

(I am meaning to expand, but just wanted to get that small thought out)

Cardiff! Cardiff! Cardiff!

(A Picture Of Mermaid Quay In Cardiff Bay)

I Love this city, everyone is polite and friendly, I've already met so many people in the short space of time that I've been here.
The architecture is stunning, the highstreet is fabulous (a bit too fabulous according to my aching bank balance hehehe) and just the feel of the place is so different, I feel totally at peace here, so comfortable and at peace.

Soooo, I guess that it's a good sign.

Even the gay scene is slightly more domesticated here, me having gotten used to the bitchy workings of a run of the mill gay club, I was taken aback.

Anyways, my mind has has been churning alot lately, alot of inspiration for alot more poetry. Maybe it's because I'm in love, or maybe it was them funky pills I took yesterday (any member of my family now reading this, please know, that it is a joke).

OoOo... Tomorrow night I'm going to be working at this big party in Cardiff giving Shiatsu massages, I'm so looking forward to it, there are gonna be so many people there and a 40ft inflatable church (hehehe, how apt) and people in fairy costumes and what not.

Anyways, will probably come up with something more that I wanted to say when i log off, so I'll fill you all in when I update next.

Toodles Poodles


KG

Return To Normality

It's been quite a few weeks since I last wrote, with all the christmas hustle and bustle I barely found the time. Not much has happened at all. It's just nice for everything to be back to normal.

KG

At The Movies

I live my life alongside people at the movies, they live in the cinema, they breathe the storyline through their nostrils, they kiss the actors on the screen and pray that one day; that sort of scenario will happen to them, they strive each day to find their prince charming in a fuck. Romance is dead, it died a long time ago, today it's more like getting breakfast after a one night stand, that's the romance they live for... They hope that last nights shag might be the one they spend the rest of their lives with. Like looking at life through a lens.
What the fuck are you looking for! Ask yourself that! I bet you don't even know... It's more like a cloud that you keep falling through.

I have no illusions anymore, I don't try to fit my life into a movie script. You end up fucking the bastards and dreaming of the angel you seem to have overlooked; and for what? Some queer ideal that prince charming has bulging muscles, perfect smile, and a huge cock.

Get over it, it only happens on the silver screen, the sooner you realise that, the happier you will be.

KG

'Grey'

the sky is grey
the sand is grey
and the ocean is grey

and i feel right at home
in this stunning monochrome
alone in my way

i smoke and i drink
and every time i blink
i have a tiny dream

but as bad as i am
i'm proud of the fact
that i'm worse than i seem

what kind of paradise am i looking for?
i've got everything i want and still i want more
maybe some tiny shiny key
will wash up on the shore

you walk through my walls
like a ghost on tv
you penetrate me

and my little pink heart
is on its little brown raft
floating out to sea

and what can i say
but i'm wired this way
and you're wired to me

and what can i do
but wallow in you
unintentionally
what kind of paradise am i looking for?
i've got everything i want and still i want more
maybe some tiny shiny key
will wash up on the shore

regretfully
i guess i've only got three
simple things to say:
why me?
why this now?
why this way?
with overtones ringing
and undertows pulling away
under a sky that is grey
on sand that is grey
by an ocean that's grey

what kind of paradise am i looking for?
i've got everything i want
and still i want more
maybe some tiny shiny key
will wash up on the shore

- Ani DiFranco

Who's In The Closet ?!?

Who is in the closet?

You'd think these days people would feel less shame in coming out and showing their true colours, not being afraid, not catering for some societal need to be a heterosexual stereotype.

In my mind, I dislike these people, they give the gay community a bad name! It's like they live in a dark 80's gay club where married men would don their leathers and stick on their fake handle bar moustaches and cruise around the sweaty corridors for a fuck.
Is that the image we want? Simple answer being.... NO!
All my life people have said to me, 'why do you have to flaunt the fact you are gay?'
and my response has always been 'why do you have to flaunt the fact you are straight?'
It's not flaunting anyways, it's what is called 'equality' now repeat again just in case you missed it 'E-Q-U-A-L-I-T-Y!'
You hold hands with your partner, I can hold hands with my partner, this is the modern way, and these closet cases are holding us back.

Our closeted brothers and sisters seem to have gotten their heads stuck in the door.
They seem to feel such hate against the open gay community, they avoid us like the plague, that is, unless we happen to be the ones fucking them. Other than that they want nothing to do with us, we are vermin.
They truly hate themselves, they think to themselves, 'I might be gay, but I'm nothing like that screaming queen' and I say... Of course you aren't, that's the point in diversity, you have alot of different people. If everyone were like you, how boring would that be, and plus, who'd want to be in your smelly moth ridden closet anyways, who'd want to walk around in darkness, fucking and praying for discretion, not even our nearest and dearest knowing who we are.(I can make the exception where there is an oppressive regime which is hostile to the GLBT community, and even then there are people brave enough to come out, but in the western world, I feel no pity, you have NO EXCUSE!)

Guess what? You've been had! I bet each and every one of you were told about 'acting normal' but what is normal anyways? I was told that when I first came out by several people 'always go around with dignity(in other words, without a limp wrist) and you don't need to let everyone know(Translation: we're ashamed of you and don't want anyone to know a member of my family/friend is a queer)' So my question to you is, who are you living for? Definitely not yourselves. As far as I know, normal is just a setting on my washing machine.

We are a diverse community, get used to it, not matter how many times you try to act like a straight man/woman you aren't gonna be one, you ARE gay if you sleep with a person of the same sex, and you secretly wish you could be out. My advice, give your closet a good clean every now and then, and buy good quality moth balls, you're gonna be in there for a while.

KG

Lake Scene

True, It's True,
You are what you are, you are not what people perceive you to be.
I know you, i know you, i know you inside and out, and i know how neglected your soul can be; at times, and time doesn't help, neither does the sex, neither does it help to drown yourself.
Your depth is like a lake, frozen by winter, my heart warms when i think of winter, and i can see the love hearts on the ice, love lost, dreams gone, but you will love again, and dream again, of that i am sure.
The lake scene, serene, beauty creeping over you.
Like sunset or sunrise.


This is to you whom I love.

KG

Rusting Poetry

Listen to the rusting poetry of the soul, listen to it creak and try to make some sort of sound resembling a voice, lost in the machinery, the cogs of life, suffocating on the New York smog, choke! choke!

AIDS : We're Still In The Red

Today is International AIDS Awareness Day.

2.9 Million Died In 2003

3.1 Million Are Estimated To Die By The End Of 2005

We Are Very Much In The Red.