At The Movies

I live my life alongside people at the movies, they live in the cinema, they breathe the storyline through their nostrils, they kiss the actors on the screen and pray that one day; that sort of scenario will happen to them, they strive each day to find their prince charming in a fuck. Romance is dead, it died a long time ago, today it's more like getting breakfast after a one night stand, that's the romance they live for... They hope that last nights shag might be the one they spend the rest of their lives with. Like looking at life through a lens.
What the fuck are you looking for! Ask yourself that! I bet you don't even know... It's more like a cloud that you keep falling through.

I have no illusions anymore, I don't try to fit my life into a movie script. You end up fucking the bastards and dreaming of the angel you seem to have overlooked; and for what? Some queer ideal that prince charming has bulging muscles, perfect smile, and a huge cock.

Get over it, it only happens on the silver screen, the sooner you realise that, the happier you will be.

KG

'Grey'

the sky is grey
the sand is grey
and the ocean is grey

and i feel right at home
in this stunning monochrome
alone in my way

i smoke and i drink
and every time i blink
i have a tiny dream

but as bad as i am
i'm proud of the fact
that i'm worse than i seem

what kind of paradise am i looking for?
i've got everything i want and still i want more
maybe some tiny shiny key
will wash up on the shore

you walk through my walls
like a ghost on tv
you penetrate me

and my little pink heart
is on its little brown raft
floating out to sea

and what can i say
but i'm wired this way
and you're wired to me

and what can i do
but wallow in you
unintentionally
what kind of paradise am i looking for?
i've got everything i want and still i want more
maybe some tiny shiny key
will wash up on the shore

regretfully
i guess i've only got three
simple things to say:
why me?
why this now?
why this way?
with overtones ringing
and undertows pulling away
under a sky that is grey
on sand that is grey
by an ocean that's grey

what kind of paradise am i looking for?
i've got everything i want
and still i want more
maybe some tiny shiny key
will wash up on the shore

- Ani DiFranco

Who's In The Closet ?!?

Who is in the closet?

You'd think these days people would feel less shame in coming out and showing their true colours, not being afraid, not catering for some societal need to be a heterosexual stereotype.

In my mind, I dislike these people, they give the gay community a bad name! It's like they live in a dark 80's gay club where married men would don their leathers and stick on their fake handle bar moustaches and cruise around the sweaty corridors for a fuck.
Is that the image we want? Simple answer being.... NO!
All my life people have said to me, 'why do you have to flaunt the fact you are gay?'
and my response has always been 'why do you have to flaunt the fact you are straight?'
It's not flaunting anyways, it's what is called 'equality' now repeat again just in case you missed it 'E-Q-U-A-L-I-T-Y!'
You hold hands with your partner, I can hold hands with my partner, this is the modern way, and these closet cases are holding us back.

Our closeted brothers and sisters seem to have gotten their heads stuck in the door.
They seem to feel such hate against the open gay community, they avoid us like the plague, that is, unless we happen to be the ones fucking them. Other than that they want nothing to do with us, we are vermin.
They truly hate themselves, they think to themselves, 'I might be gay, but I'm nothing like that screaming queen' and I say... Of course you aren't, that's the point in diversity, you have alot of different people. If everyone were like you, how boring would that be, and plus, who'd want to be in your smelly moth ridden closet anyways, who'd want to walk around in darkness, fucking and praying for discretion, not even our nearest and dearest knowing who we are.(I can make the exception where there is an oppressive regime which is hostile to the GLBT community, and even then there are people brave enough to come out, but in the western world, I feel no pity, you have NO EXCUSE!)

Guess what? You've been had! I bet each and every one of you were told about 'acting normal' but what is normal anyways? I was told that when I first came out by several people 'always go around with dignity(in other words, without a limp wrist) and you don't need to let everyone know(Translation: we're ashamed of you and don't want anyone to know a member of my family/friend is a queer)' So my question to you is, who are you living for? Definitely not yourselves. As far as I know, normal is just a setting on my washing machine.

We are a diverse community, get used to it, not matter how many times you try to act like a straight man/woman you aren't gonna be one, you ARE gay if you sleep with a person of the same sex, and you secretly wish you could be out. My advice, give your closet a good clean every now and then, and buy good quality moth balls, you're gonna be in there for a while.

KG

Lake Scene

True, It's True,
You are what you are, you are not what people perceive you to be.
I know you, i know you, i know you inside and out, and i know how neglected your soul can be; at times, and time doesn't help, neither does the sex, neither does it help to drown yourself.
Your depth is like a lake, frozen by winter, my heart warms when i think of winter, and i can see the love hearts on the ice, love lost, dreams gone, but you will love again, and dream again, of that i am sure.
The lake scene, serene, beauty creeping over you.
Like sunset or sunrise.


This is to you whom I love.

KG

Rusting Poetry

Listen to the rusting poetry of the soul, listen to it creak and try to make some sort of sound resembling a voice, lost in the machinery, the cogs of life, suffocating on the New York smog, choke! choke!

AIDS : We're Still In The Red

Today is International AIDS Awareness Day.

2.9 Million Died In 2003

3.1 Million Are Estimated To Die By The End Of 2005

We Are Very Much In The Red.

Good Morning Neverland

I live in a city which never ages, never changes, doesn't evolve, stagnates like green pond water. I feel like peter pan in this place, no matter how many years pass i shall always be remembered. It's comforting, but at the same time very scary.... It's like i'm in a bubble...
Nothing ever happens here, aside from clouds, wind and rain, and the odd protest against the mini-new york skyline across the bay, which without would be such a dark place.
Funny how you can grow attached to something which is slowly killing you.

So I Begin

Getting back into the swing of hum drum 'normal' life has come as a bit of shock to me, i have resumed where i left off over 4 years ago... hehehe... funny how life comes full circle eventually. Hopefully i won't be here for long, i still have my big dreams of fame and fortune, and i am not planning on turning stagnant. I hope to make the most of my time here to realise once more why it was i moved away in the first place, because after a while in the UK it's like my determination got diluted by a want to come home and feel safe, and to know that nothing has changed... but i want things to change, i love change, it makes my life that much more interesting.

KG

Tears On The Inside

You know, it's weird... watching a person struggle to live even though they are pumped full of all sorts of drugs to sedate them, and then watching them slowly slip away into death, into peace.
I watched Angelita slip away, she was so serene, all night she had been gasping for air, gasping for life, and then at about 3:30am she took her last breaths, of course this struck us all in the room, how can anyone understand why such a good, kind, person had to suffer so much.
Something happened a little later on, i was sitting outside with my mother, having a cigarette, was about 4:30am, the sky seemed clear, and then out of the blue, it started raining, as though the heavens where crying for our loss, emulating our tears. I thought this because last year, when YaYo died the same thing happened, it was sunny, and warm all through the day while we were all in the mortuary, then when it came time for the funeral, the sky clouded up, and it started to drizzle... the angels shed the tears we no longer had the energy to shed, the were grieving with us.

"A brief candle; both ends burning
An endless mile; a bus wheel turning
A friend to share the lonesome times
A handshake and a sip of wine
So say it loud and let it ring
We are all a part of everything
The future, present and the past
Fly on proud bird
You're free at last."

I still have tears to cry, and i still have life to live, and in those tears and in my life i have left, i shall remember you.XX

Angelita, Yayo! xx

En El Jardin De Dios

I believe the world is like one big field full of flowers, all types, and every here and there you find a rose, those are the beautiful, kind, special people that you meet in life...
God picks the most beautiful Roses so that they may be with him in his Garden.

Dios se lleva las Rosas mas Bellas para su Jardin

Today a very special person passed away.

We'll all miss you Angelita.

I Ain't No Homersexual.... Them Be The Devil!

I've always known that there was a so called ex-gay movement (so perfectly illustrated in the movie 'But I'm A Cheerleader') but only recently have those bastards started to piss me off more than a mosquito.... they've been buzzing in my ear since the day i came out... and now... i just wanna catch 'em and buzz right back at 'em.

"How does a homosexual person change?
We believe freedom from homosexuality is increasingly experienced as men and women mature through ongoing submission to the lordship of Christ and His Church. This transformation enables him or her to shed the old, sinful identity and in its place learn new ways of relating to self and others. Working through underlying relational and abuse problems is a significant component in this process. Making use of individual and pastoral counseling, support groups, personal Bible study, and a same-sex discipleship group are beneficial."

Okay I think these people need help! Serious and swift help (where be my shotgun?!?)
It makes me sad to think that in this day and age, there are still people out there who hold onto such antiquated ideas, i mean before this they would give a gay man or woman electric shock treatment or aversion therapy ( none of which work by the way, but i guess you already knew that).
Have they no idea how much harm they are doing?
All they seem to do is prey upon the minds of people, who've more often then not just come out and who've been met with rejection and anger and are having a tough time, and they tell them that jesus will make it all better, that jesus will make them normal, that jesus will debit their savings account for the total cost of the treatment (or a donation as these people like to call it).They probe them with questions and hope that maybe somewhere in the answers they can find something to do with abuse! an absent father or mother figure! addiction! these are the three main things which they love to hear.... you read it all the time in their testimonials 'i was abused as a child and it led me to homosexuality' or 'my parents divorced and i lived with my mother and i looked for my father figure in other men' or 'being gay led me to drug addiction and whoring myself infront of the 7/11 for 50p a pop!'
These people just need help! They need a shrink not a bible bashing priest who's got a cock up his arse.
Even they know that all they can do is supress and not cure... in 1987 Colin Cook who was the leader of HA(homosexuals anonymous) was kicked out! why? i hear you ask!
BECAUSE HE WAS FUCKING MEN! How about that for publicity!
These groups were established by self loathers who have experienced an abusive christian childhood! They have convinced themselves that Jesus has changed them even though by admission from several 'ex-gay' ministries, the point is not to change sexuality, it is all about celibacy and growing closer to christ! So they don't even believe in their claims nor their methods...
These people (even though they are few) are dangerous... but their biggest downfall are the testimonials from 'ex-ex gay' persons who have been through their programs and who's been harmed by them... actually, if ya fancy a good laugh, read the 'ex gay' testimonials just for kicks... you'll understand what i mean once you've read a couple.... the problem is never their homosexuality... it's always something else.



"The psychological, medical and psychiatric establishments agree that sexual orientation cannot be changed, and that so-called "reparative therapy" aimed at altering gay peoples' orientations does not work and may, in fact, be harmful."

"Ultimately, the difference between gays and ex-gays is like the difference between cheese and cheddar. The ex-gays try to drown their homosexuality in Bible verses, marriage, family, and their own new subcultural niche, but their homosexuality remains."


KG

Poetry Of Skin

Why'd I meet you in drunken slur at drunken hour at drunk bar with drunken queens and drunken dance with drunken music in the air, the air hot, putrid, sweaty, vomit, vodka, coke, coke, coke, beer, moist heat, all we want is meat, all we want is a fuck at the end of the night, find Mr Right! Look, look, there he is, comic book super heroe swooping down to save 'em all. Look! Look! There he went into the arms of another. We're looking for Mr Right Now in drugged up haze, blur, blur, heart racing, pounding in you chest, up in your throat, behind your eyes, blood shot, staring, wincing, squinting, trying to focus, tears drop like rain on a window to your soul, soul?, soul!?!
The soul you sold to the scene, queen!

Anyways ahead i go, urban poetry in my gut, going deeper, digesting my thoughts and churning them into words! words! words!
Scene set at drunken bar with drunken you and drunken me, bottle of beer in your hand, taste of beer on your lips.
Eyes locked, optical fuck,
Hot? me?
Drunken you,
Daze, daze,
Kiss, kiss, fuck, talk, fuck some more.

Lay in bed thursday night, kiss and touch on your skin, the skin you're in, so soft on you, sweet to me, sweat, salt on me in heat! heat!
Brown eyes look into mine,
I'm blind! I'm blind!
Smiling though i cannot see,
I can feel! Your touch like ants creeping on my skin,
Goose pimples,
Arse dimples,
Soft chest,
Sweet lips,
Sweet neck,
Horny fuck!
Laugh! Laugh!
Smile some more!

KG

Gaydar In My Sights

Okay?!? those of you who are looking for love on the net raise you hands!
God! so many of you, are you really serious?
Before the rise of the internet, people would meet people in bars, clubs, on the street.... in public toilets even! but it was real, it wasn't some sort of pipe dream that some day prince charming will send you an instant message!
Nowadays, it's all about the cock! let's face it, as a community, we've converted into a culture of sex, sex, sex, sex and drugs and alcohol sprinkled in between ( i ain't complaining, i love the sex, the drugs and the alcohol!) But it does make me think sometimes... in what direction is this all taking us?
You look at a profile, first thing you look at 'Dick Size: '. Yes because a cock makes such a lovely partner, not the person attached.... imagine how scary it would be if you woke up with a 6ft 4inch penis next to you? Get the picture?
I dunno, just one of those things, i just woke up today and thought i'd get pissed of at something, and i had Gaydar in my sights! hehehe xx

Mi Corazon

Mi corazon se partio en miles de padasos, como se caen los petalos de una rosa al suelo, Como un atardecer me robo el sol, el sol que me daba vida, que me mantenia sonriendo, Como un amanecer de silencios se llevo tu sonrisa y tus ojos; como las estrellas y la luna que se despiden al cielo.
Mi corazon nunca sera lo mismo, como se puede vivir sin corazon?
La pena que llevo por dentro nunca se me vas, Y tu memoria se queda como una cicatriz, en mi mente, en mi alma.
Las cosas que izimos juntos, nunca me olvidare, quedando nos dispiertos hasta el amanecer, hablando, riendo, hasta llorando, tu fuiste mi fuerza.
Adonde se fueron los años?
Ahora el silencio de llantos de pena me llenan, te hecho de menos mi corazon, Y algun dia quiciera verte otra vez, y escuchar tu voz, y abrazar te, y reir con tigo, y bailar ensima las mesas en latino's!
Ojala que te pudiera decir lo tanto que te amaba, y la fuerza que me diste, Pero tu ya lo sabes.
Hay veces que te siento a mi lado, como si tu verdaderamente estuviera con migo, y alomejor lo estas.
Dios se llevo la rosa mas bella para su jardin.

Te Quiero Yayo!


Dedicated to my aunty/best friend/Soul Mother Rosario Nuñez

Sleep Sweet In Your Bed Of Earth, And May Angels Kiss You Good Night.Xx

Madonna! Madonna! Madonna!

Wake Me Up

Good Morning!

For the first time in a weeks i've managed to wake up before midday.... woo hoo!
Now.... what shall i do with the extra hours in the day?

Suggestions??

Hung Up!

Time goes by so slowly
Time goes by so slowly
Time goes by so slowly
Time goes by so slowly
Time goes by so slowly
Time goes by so slowly

Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you

Time goes by so slowly for those who wait
No time to hesitate
Those who run seem to have all the fun
I'm caught up
I don't know what to do

Time goes by so slowly
Time goes by so slowly
Time goes by so slowly
I don't know what to do

Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you

Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you

Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you

Ring ring ring goes the telephone
The lights are on but there's no-one home
Tick tick tock it's a quarter to two
And I'm done
I'm hanging up on you

I can't keep on waiting for you
I know that you're still hesitating
Don't cry for me
'cause I'll find my way
you'll wake up one day
but it'll be too late

Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you

Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you

time goes by so slowly
time goes by so slowly
so slowly so slowly so slowly

Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you


I love the new madge song.... it's like pure poetry.... and in so many ways we can all relate to it...

Straight Acting!

Okay, here's one of my pet hates.... you know on personal ads or profiles on sites such as Gaydar? yeah!
I absolutely hate the whole 'straight acting' thing.... it's enough to make my blood boil... what's it sopposed to do... make me wanna suck your cock even more.... maybe instead of straight acting they should just put the cherry on the cake and just get married to a woman, have two kids and buy a labrador.... now that is the ultimate straight act.... now i really wanna fuck you!
Seriously guys... where has this whole self loathing come from? what's so wrong about being gay that you want to emulate a straight bloke.... it's fine if you're that way naturally, but people... if you were born with a limp wrist and a lisp, nothing you do save maybe cutting your hand off and never opening your mouth will change that! So rather than trying to hide the fact you're gay, embrace it... love it... i mean come on you've been fucking guys for years so who's gonna care anyways?
So MARY! drop the straight act, because at the end of the day... it don't impress me much!

Moi Le Freak

C'est moi le freak,

never had a blog, don't really know what the point is... but i'm assuming it's use is to regail you lovely folks on my ever interesting day to day life, and also include my rants raves, hates, loves.... etc.... etc.

So Fantastic....

Freak xx